i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
