Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Never joke about your clitoris.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
