I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She said her name was "party"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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