K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
