college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
