New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
