there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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