It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
