the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
