Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
