I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
