Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
