People in love make me want to vomit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm both gender and math confused
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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