I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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