well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
