porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You made out with two different species that night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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