At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
