so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
