YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
