thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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