You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
