I bet he comes in French.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
