i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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