it's like iHOP with fire
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
