I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
