The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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