we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
