so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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