last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
