Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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