the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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