She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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