I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize