so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
