I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize