yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
