Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
