i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
