I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
