I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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