I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
