she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
