I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
