i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
