By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
