she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
