Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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