i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
