You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
