i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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