If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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