wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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