Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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