She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize