I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
