it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
