I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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