I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
