im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Panties = found
Randomize