doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
