my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
