If that was your dad, he is hot
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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