My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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