So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
