So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
