Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And then he peed in my hair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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