White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
